When My Own Child Marries

I’ve realized a couple of things about parenting as Mr. P and I are preparing for our wedding.

When I become a parent and our son or daughter will decide to get married, I hope that…

1. I can financially contribute something

Weddings are expensive and no matter how financially independent a couple is, any monetary help will be greatly appreciated. Mr. P and I planned a wedding we can afford. But somehow, we still hoped that our parents can offer some financial help or just even offer to pay for their own expenses such as hotel accommodation or clothes. Being in this situation, I promised that as soon as my son or daughter hits the 20’s, I hope to set aside some savings for their own wedding. I’m not planning to pay for all the expenses. But, I’d like to let my child know that should miscellaneous expenses come up, he/ she doesn’t have to worry.

2. I can understand their choices as a couple

Generation gap can be seen even in wedding preparations. What people do in their weddings a generation ago is quite different from what couples do in this generation. If I’d really really had my way and did not think of my parents’ preferences, Mr. P and I would just marry in a nice island (like Fiji maybe) with our closest friends and family. But we’re having this sort-of-traditional wedding as a compromise to my parents’ wishes. When my time comes to give-away my child, I hope I can respect the kind of wedding he’d like to have regardless of what I wanted for him.

3. I can respect my child’s guest list

My child’s wedding is my child’s wedding and not mine. Therefore, whoever he wants to be there should be there.  And, whoever he doesn’t want to be there should not be there. I will not use force, blackmail or any form of manipulation just so my child will include my friend or relative. A long guest list and unnecessary people are something we tried to avoid. Hence, we made our wedding preps in secret. We made sure that everything is final before we share the good news. Still, after we announced our wedding plans to our family, we heard some “suggestions” on our guest list. We still had to compromise who we can add and who can’t really accommodate anymore. It’s annoying.

4. I can provide emotional and psychological support

Emotional and psychological support to engaged couples are more important than any kind of help, I think. My parents and Mr. P’s parents are extremely opposite. The moment my parents learned of my engagement, they got excited and generously gave advices. On the other hand, Mr. P’s parents response was lukewarm bordering to indifference. It pains me to see Mr. P disappointed over his parent’s lack of enthusiasm. He’s not expecting any financial help but he’s hoping that they would at least show they’re happy for him. When I become a parent, I will not forget to show happiness over my child’s happiness.

5. Mr. P and I can be a good role model of what marriage is 

With the wedding getting near, Mr. P and shared our apprehensions to each other. We’re not exactly sure how to be a married couple. We don’t know who to look up to as a husband and wife. More than all the 4 things I’ve mentioned, I hope that Mr. P and I will have a marriage that our child would like to emulate. We may not leave an inheritance but I hope that our marriage will be a legacy.


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