Sometimes it takes an unpleasant situation to remind us of how we really care for the people we love.
This happened to me just last weekend.
Mr. P and I don’t talk everyday but he makes sure to send me messages on FB or Skype. We also make sure to talk on the weekends. But last week, there wasn’t any messages from him and he didn’t go online last weekend. I was angry at first cause he wasn’t making efforts to communicate with me. We haven’t talked for a week!
Then when Sunday night came, I got worried. I’ve already send a few angry messages. He always reply to me when he knows I’m pissed off. But this time, not even a smiley emoticon was forthcoming. I’m not anxious for nothing. The last two times that he didn’t send me messages, something bad happened to him. Two years ago, when my calls were unanswered, Mr. P had been confined in a hospital for dengue. Just this April, when he didn’t send me messages, he was robbed of his phone and cash. So when all my messages and calls remained unread and unanswered, my anxiety grew.
Worse, I’ve been struggling with anxiety disorder for sometime now. Imagine all the dark thoughts rushing to my mind. I hacked his FB account and YM (I’m good like that. hehe!) just to check for any clues. I spent time browsing for news fearing that he might be on it. I sent messages to his friends which I don’t usually do. I spent last Sunday night between cries and sleeplessness. I went to work Monday morning ready to break down. I don’t know how I survived 3 classes. I checked my phone almost everytime I got the chance. The whole day passed without any sign of Mr. P.
Then, just when I was about to cry again, my Skype alert rang. Finally, Mr. P! My first message was: “You’re an idiot and I’m so angry at you. But I’m so happy you’re okay.”
Turned out that It has been raining nonstop in the Philippines last week. This caused power failure and loss of internet connection. There’s no electricity in his area. Even the nearby mall doesn’t have internet. Things were also hectic at his office because a lot of people can’t go to work due to the rains. Phone signals were not stable. A landslide happened near their place. He also had to help his father clean up after his house was flooded. He was trying to call me but he can’t contact me. It was like armageddon the last week.
If I wasn’t so relieved knowing he’s okay, I would have argued with him. He should have done something to send me an “I’m alive” message. He knew I have anxiety problems. He knew I’d worry. He knew I’d get angry. But I was just so happy to know he’s fine and well. All my energy for arguing have been drained by my anxiety and sleeplessness.
Before this drama happened, I was having pre-wedding jitters. I was asking myself if I’m really really sure that I want to spend my life with Mr. P. This whole thing showed me that I truly care for Mr. P and I can’t imagine not seeing him again. In a way, this situation set my jitters aside. It made me sure, I do love Mr. P.