I learned a great advice on how to make a wedding vow.
That is: Ask your partner what promises does he expects from you.
No matter how grand you think your vows are, if your partner don’t really need to hear them from you, they are still of no value. We make vows not for ourselves but for the person we love.
Before I heard this advice, I was planning to tell Mr. P that I will try to listen more and speak less. I always thought I talk a lot. But when I asked Mr. P if this is a good vow, he told me it’s okay but he doesn’t need me to listen more. For him, the way I listen is enough. What he wanted from me is a vow to submit to him. He told me how I’m too independent and assertive. I do my own things freely without even telling him. He doesn’t need me to tell him how to do things. He needs my trust that he can handle our relationship and our needs.
Before I asked Mr. P, I didn’t realize how domineering I am. I thought I was doing okay in that area. Apparently, I’m not. It wasn’t good to hear at first but it was enlightening. At least, I know what I needed to work on. By God’s grace, I hope to learn how to submit to him. This is after all, the only promise he asked me to make.
As for me, I asked two things: That he become more communicative. (You can see we have communication issues from this post.) I also asked him that he make me his priority above his family. Mr. P thought that he’s already giving more importance to me than his family. I had to explain to him how I don’t really feel that way. He can easily sacrifice our time and our resources for the sake of his family. With my sharp memory, I mentioned the different instances when I felt I was sacrificed. He wouldn’t probably make these promises had we not ask each other.
Sometimes, we overlook our partner’s needs because we see things differently. Hence, it’s important to ASK, ASK, ASK. And before you make numerous great-sounding promises, it’s better to ask your partner first.