I think it’s safe to assume that brides are more involved in wedding planning than the grooms. Most women have ideas on what kind of wedding they’ll have even before they find the groom. I’m quite of a tomboy growing up and getting married isn’t one of my priorities. Still, when Mr. P and I decided to get married, I have a clear picture of how I want my wedding to be.
However, this doesn’t mean that grooms should just left all the planning to their brides. Just my opinion, brides who don’t involve their grooms in wedding planning are either selfish or just plain insensitive. I mean, come on, weddings are unions of TWO people not a fulfillment of one person’s fantasy. So for grooms, think again if your brides-to-be don’t want your hands on wedding preps.
I can understand why some grooms can feel intimidated with wedding planning. It’s a “girl thing.” What do you know about flowers, centerpieces and white dresses? Those should be left to the women in the house, right?
Actually, we, brides, don’t expect our grooms to know the details. But we care about what you want want. We care what you think about this and that. We want you to be pleased as much as we are. After all, our dream weddings wouldn’t happen without you.
As a groom, here are the 3 things you can do to be involved in wedding planning.
1. Share ideas.
As I’ve said, weddings are meant for TWO people. Hence, it should be a collaborative work between the couple. Grooms, tell us what kind of wedding you want, what kind of dress you think fit us, what food should we include in the menu and what songs do you want to play. Those things are not for “girls only.” You don’t have to sign up on Pinterest or wedding websites. You don’t even have to research or join forums. Just tell us what you want to hear, eat, see and do on wedding day. It’s not that hard to say you want a chocolate cake or rock music or that you want lots of beer. Not that we’ll readily agree… which will bring us to the next point.
2. Agree or argue.
I originally wanted a sunrise wedding but Mr. P was vehemently against it. (He’s not a morning person.) I gave my reasons and he gave his. We left our decision hanging for weeks before we agreed to have a late afternoon wedding. I relented to Mr. P because his reasons make more sense than mine. Mine are out of whim, his were more practical for all people. I let go of my whim because Mr. P clearly won the argument. And I appreciate that he argued with me til I got his point. I’d rather have that argument than him simmering inside silently hating the thought of getting up early.
Grooms, we need you to argue with us to broaden our perspectives. Brides can easily be swamped with “wants-for-the-wedding.” We need your level-headedness to reason with us and remind us of the more practical sides of the wedding day.
We also need you to agree with our choices when you really agree with us. We need to know that we’re making decisions and choosing things together.
Mr. P and I had a hard time choosing our Photo- Video suppliers. We have no idea who to choose. There are just so many! When I decided to go with 24 Frames Manila, I needed to hear that Mr. P wholeheartedly agrees with me. Same thing when Mr. P chose Taalena as our venue. I had to verbally say “Yes, I agree with your choice and I shall not insist other places.” In our agreement, I know I have his support and I wouldn’t be blamed should things go wrong. We agreed so we’re both accountable.
3. Listen, listen, listen. A lot.
I read somewhere that brides are excited for the actual wedding day while grooms are excited on the thought that after the wedding, your bride is officially yours. This is probably the reason why brides get excited and apprehensive on every small detail of the wedding. I have yet to hear a groom getting stressed by the invitation lay out or by the colors of flowers. Even when you check the internet, most wedding blogs (such as this) are written by brides. We’re comparatively obsessed by wedding planning.
We’re glad that our grooms are not as obsessed because we need you to listen to us. We need a willing ear when we express out doubts, fears and choices during wedding planning. You may not understand why we can’t easily choose between red and white roses or why we can’t decide on our wedding gown. You don’t have to understand and you don’t have to do anything. We just need you to listen and help us calm our nerves.
You don’t need a magic wand to do these things. What you need to do during wedding planning are the same things you need to do to make a marriage work. It’s all about communication and patience.