I stepped back from wedding preparation the last few weeks. I’ve reached what I will call, “a bridal block.” My idea of a bridal block is similar to a writer’s block. A writer’s block is when a writer cannot think of what to write or how to proceed with writing. In the same way, a bridal block is when a bride cannot think of what to plan or how to proceed with wedding planning. I’ve hit that block. I’m still facing this block as I’m writing this.
I reflected why I’m having a bridal block and I came up with the following reasons.
1. I got drained from planning.
Mr. P and I started planning last January. Since I have more free time, I did the research, the correspondence with suppliers and all the planning. Mr. P would just go to the bank to give the reservation fees or he would just simply make suggestions. At first, I was happy to have my own way. I love organizing events so I was having the time of my life. Then, I just woke up one day feeling tired of all the planning. I just want to get over the big day. The longer it takes to plan, the more details we seem to add. We’ve got more things on our “to-do-list” than what we originally intended. This was supposed to be a “simple” wedding but the preparation doesn’t make me think so.
2. I got confused from too much research.
I’m now having a love-hate relationship with the internet. I’m very much thankful that the net makes it possible to prepare a wedding from overseas. But there’s too much information on weddings, I’ve already confused myself. There’s a plethora of great wedding ideas on the net all competing for my attention. It’s hard to choose what idea to follow or what to discard. I need to breathe and reevaluate the ideas I’ve chosen.
3. I got envious from too much research.
Not only did I get confused from researching, I also got envious. The more research I do, the more wedding ideas I come across. And you know idea is equals to money. The wedding fora that I used to participated are places with a thousand ideas. I started envying brides with more money than I have. I begin to resent our limited budget. I started asking if this is the kind of wedding Mr. P should be giving me. The sad circumstances why we had to limit our budget resurfaced in my mind and I wallowed in self-pity. You see, envy has a way of sneaking on us. Before I knew it, I’m already miserable and filled with negativity.
So, I decided to step back and refocus. I had to remind myself what’s important and what’s not so important even if they look nice. I had to get back to who I was before I got lost in all the drama of wedding planning.
4. The reality of marriage is starting to sink in.
After the excitement on the initial stages of wedding planning, I realized that I’m actually getting married. It might sound stupid but I was just treating the whole wedding planning like a project I had to finish. I know I’ll get married but it wasn’t in the forefront of my mind.
I have a confession: The idea of marriage scares me big time. Although Mr. P and I have been together for a long time, I’m fairly independent from him. I make my own decisions and do things on my own. My career and ambitions have always been more important than my relationship with Mr. P. But I know that once I become his wife, I’ll have to put him first. I’ll be Mrs. P, my life will be forever entwined with Mr. P. We’ll be one in all aspects. And I’m scared. I contemplated in the last weeks if I’m really up to this union.
5. I just, honestly, don’t know how to proceed.
My last reason for stepping back from planning is I just don’t know what to do next. We’ve booked all major suppliers. We only had to find an invitation printer, choose rings and buy a gown. I don’t know if I still have things to do. I don’t want to waste time planning unnecessarily. I have a life too other than wedding planning.
My reasons for my bridal block may be valid but I know I have to get over this soon. As long as we’re not yet married, I have to think of the wedding. I don’t have to think of it constantly like in the past few months but I have to be mindful of things we still have to do. I’ll just breathe for one more day, or two, then go back to wedding (and marriage) planning